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Fear the Dolphins

Terror of the Seas, Terror of the World

"Even if there is [intelligent life elsewhere], it may be on some water-covered world where super-dolphins enjoy a contemplative oceanic life, doing nothing to reveal themselves." - Martin Rees

Dolphins control 70% of the Earth's surface, including many major rivers. How can one say this? Well, it is a fact that the majority of Earth's surface is covered by water, 70% to be precise. Dolphins, of course, live in the ocean and they even admit that they are the kings of the sea in the theme song to Flipper. Also they control the rivers because there is a group of animals known as river dolphins that are related to the better known group of ocean-dwelling dolphins. These animals do, in fact, share similar policies and values and are allied publicly. A good analogy for this situation is the following: ocean-dwelling dolphins are to river dolphins like Nazi Germany is to Fascist Italy. Another historical reference that is suitable to this situation is that dolphins have an Imperialist policy similar to the European nations of the late 1800's. Dolphins believe that it is their "Manifest Destiny" to conquer the world. Other, but less likely reasons for their attempt to destroy our species, is that they are trying to revenge the dolphins that were killed in the tuna fishing nets. There is reason to doubt this because that would be a noble act, impossible for such a despicable creature.

Dolphins do have the ability to attack and destroy humans. One of these abilities is that they can use the sonar waves that they use in echolocation for more devious purposes. Since ultrasound can be used to breakup kidney stones it is very obvious that dolphins have the capacity to emit certain types of sound waves from their melon to destroy particles in a human body.

Many scientists also believe that dolphins could very well be the most intelligent life forms on this planet. If this is true then dolphins can very easily outwit us strategically and scientifically. We, the Anti-Dolphin Organization believe that many dolphins may take a kamikaze approach to attacking us. Our reasoning behind this is that many dolphins die on the beach, the only problem is that nobody knows why. We (Anti-Dolphin Organization) have heard reported incidents that humans have been threatened by this behavior leading us to believe that the dolphins are attempting to attack and destroy humans.

Dolphins, obviously very intelligent creatures, may have the technology to create hideous creatures of the deep; possibly the monsters of the deep that mariners of yore spoke. It could be that dolphins are to blame for many of our silly fears of sharks, they caused us to fear their greatest oceanic enemy. We destroy the dolphin's enemy and at the same time allow the human race's most feared enemy to prosper. Dolphins could be the "evil empire" that Reagan was actually speaking about. One thing that all of us here at the Anti-Dolphin Organization agree on is that dolphins cannot be trusted, they are our mortal enemies. We do not condone the senseless massacre of dolphins, unless the dolphins provoke we humans.

We hope that this explains our point-of-view and that you, the reader has been open-minded enough to cast off the myths of your childhood and that you see the truth. You must ask yourself at this point in your life what is more important, the human race or the dolphin.

We thank you for your time.


Questions, comments? Please send your views to either our contact page or sign the guestbook. These people will be happy to begin a dialogue with all serious replies in an effort help all people see the truth of the dolphin threat.

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